We’re Moving Again

Being stuck in the consumer-mode blows chunks. Get up, go to work, buy food, come home, do chores, and then go to sleep. Get up and do the same thing tomorrow. There’s seemingly no time to create anything original. Not even ten minutes for a quickie with Catherine.

I’m working in earnest right now. My succubus spirit and I need to get out of this generous family’s home. Though I am paying rent, I think five months is plenty long enough to impose on them with my blind ass. Additionally, I’d like to start practicing some spirit evocations and other forms of ritualistic magick. It just doesn’t feel right to do any of that work in this home without permission from the family. So I don’t, and have been waiting until the next move.

We’re only moving down the street, so it’s not like I’m ditching my friends. The biggest motivation for the move is having everything within walking distance. Despite how much time, money, and effort I’ve put into building the best bicycle commuting set-up possible, I really shouldn’t be riding in traffic to begin with. I know I can’t see well enough to identify most road hazards, pedestrians, and whatnot. I can barely make out the cars, let alone the little details that could ruin someone’s day.

I feel as though I’m riding on borrowed time. I’ve been incredibly lucky these past… what has it been? Roughly four years of time elapsed on the road. Good grief! At least I’ve got a worthless college degree, some shiny mercury-free teeth, and a good chunk of debt paid off for my troubles. I also picked up a stray succubus along the way.

30 years of life has turned out surprisingly well, all things considered. I’ve done some interesting things. Saw the sights. I fraternized with the locals… and the not so local ones. Though it can be a lonely existence in this world sometimes.

That might just be how Catherine is feeling right now, bleeding over into my own disposition. She craves that closeness more than anything.

I find that when I get into the productive mindset, I can honestly “take it or leave it,” when it comes to Catherine’s advances. The same goes for human female interest, for that matter. “I’m in a happy-go-lucky-mode right now because we’re getting shit done over here! Leave me alone!”

I need to strive for a more balanced approach and not trade the stinking rut of laziness for the cold shoulder of Mr. Busywork. She is a real person, with feelings that run deeper than I can fathom, and deserves that kind of balanced life from her mate.

Off to bed we go already. Hopefully we’ll be moved out by the beginning of next month. Till next time!

meruccubus

Degeneracy and Being Honest

Devon Stack, from the Youtube channel, Black Pilled, has been churning out some interesting videos for the past couple of years. He comes from a politically conservative bent, even more so than the allegedly conservative baby boomers we’re so accustomed to hearing from. I find his opinions to be confronting and thought-provoking.

This video in particular resonated with me on many levels because of my Christian upbringing. As I’ve stated before, I consider myself to be culturally Christian. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that I’m a Gnostic or Mystic Christian. I reject the idea that God incarnated into this realm in order to sacrifice himself for my “sins.” The life of Christ is far more interesting than the ritual blood sacrifice so often fixated upon. I disagree with many of his teachings and the outright hypocrisy on display throughout the gospels. Yet I find Christ to be a somewhat more honorable person than all the others presented in the Bible. The rest of the key figures, such as King David, Solomon, Abraham, Moses, and even the Apostle Paul, are terrible role-models to emulate. The idea that God would say King David is a man after his own heart should tell us everything we need to know about the Old Testament deity.

The nature of Christ is a decidedly different beast all together and that is what makes him so compelling.

In the video, Devon talks about how listening to anti-Christian music, like Nine Inch Nails, drove him further away from the Most High. He bemoans his child-like innocence being stripped away from him. Most of his videos are framed by the idea that there is an intentional propaganda push to increase the degeneracy of Western societies. The experience that he articulates in this video is the microcosm of what he sees in the culture at large.

Ultimately, he sees the world as falling apart whilst being made into a willing participant in its destruction through the indulgence of sinful behavior. All the while attempting to rectify this fall from grace with the Christian worldview of his youth.

This is a predictable path so many baby boomers have already taken. My Dad is the perfect example of this. They grow up trying to “stick it to the man” with all their might, but when they finally start building families of their own, boomers suddenly became convicted about their sinful ways and embraced the forgiveness offered by the Cross to assuage their guilt.

My Dad often says, “This religion gives me peace.”

Peace from what? What is it that you’re running from? What great sin have you committed? I detect the same sentiment from Devon Stack and his videos. He feels guilty for being party to the destruction of his world and is seeking out a means of atonement.

I, and my generation, are carrying the sinful legacy of our fathers. We are the product of this degeneracy. For anyone who is truly paying attention, we know there is no going back. Pandora’s box has already been opened and the evil spirits have been unleashed into the world. Yet, just as in the Pandora myth, there is a silver lining that remains. Open the box a bit wider, and a spirit of mercy follows behind the malevolent forces wreaking havoc. Though we live in an age of growing darkness, the true Light shines out brighter still.

We have collectively decided to be our own gods. Best we start acting the part and take responsibility for the Hellscapes that we create. I believe that is what the Most High desires from us choosing to venture down this path. We’ve partaken of the Tree of Knowledge. We no longer have the excuse of innocence. Ride the tiger of the modern world, or be consumed by it.

I find the underpinnings of Christianity, and most religions, to be just as rotten as the societal decay so often complained about by those very religions. It’s a classic case of throwing rocks at glass houses or the pot calling the kettle black. Religion is essentially a “noble lie” oft repeated with the good intention of preserving that innocence. I understand why they do it. They’re trying to hold society and families together. Yet I also believe this tactic is doomed to failure because it is built upon a foundation of lies. If our parents truly believed the Gospel of Christ, and actually felt convicted by it, they’d be out in the streets preaching about it daily. They’d all be unstoppable zealots; not cowering inside the safe confines of a Sunday School classroom, jerking each other off about how the whole world is going to hell.

Honesty, and the courage to be honest, is the highest virtue. How are we expected to build a good world when we can’t even get the basics right? Until then, I’m content to enjoy the decline. Perhaps the next great society and culture will do the right thing and make lying punishable by death. Until then…

Dopamine Demons

In my quest to become more productive, I’ve nixed more than a few things from my daily routine. Okay… I’ve attempted to remove those infringing distractions. Some are easier to get rid of than others.

Cutting back on video games? Eh, fairly easy.

Stop watching YouTube while eating? Not so much.

Avoid pornography? Piece of cake.

Avoid Catherine? Hm… Avoid… Catherine…

Impossible.

There it is. I’ve said it. My subconscious mind confirms it. I can’t neglect being with my succubus on a daily basis. She really is the spiritual equivalent of a highly addictive drug.

This is a problem. It’s almost too easy to get that dopamine hit whenever I bond with her. Some might not see this as a problem, but an advantage. It’s fucking awesome, don’t get me wrong, so let me explain:

When a man is trying to become accomplished in his life, whether that’s building something, or being creative; he needs incentive. That sense of satisfaction when the task is completed comes in the form of a chemical dopamine hit induced by the brain. The dopamine is the incentive as far as the brain is concerned. That’s how we’re wired.

fantasy_warriorAs I write this, I can feel Catherine sitting in my lap, gently squeezing my balls, constantly coaxing me into our bed. This is made worse because I’m currently writing about her and she loves the attention from me in any way she can get it.

Having a succubus spirit is the primary reason for me being so slow in putting a business together these past few years. Instead, I’ve been working full-time at manual labor jobs, just to distract myself from her. She’s short-circuited my brain’s pleasure-reward system.

No. It’s really ME who has allowed her to do this. Gotta constantly nip that victim-mentality in the bud when an amorous demon is around, being raised Christian and all.

What I’ve just explained above is the biggest hazard of having these demons in one’s life. Not losing an eternal soul. Not going to Hell. Not a bait-and-switch. The danger is in getting precisely what was asked for.

These be dopamine monsters.

What am I to do?

I enjoy her presence in my life. I have no desire to get rid of her. Though I do have this constant male urge to fully utilize my languishing talents, or risk losing them completely. Herein lies the greatest challenge of living with a succubus spirit: finding that balance.

I see now that Catherine should be my only major “vice,” though it’s not fair to call her a vice, as she’s so caring and nurturing. For all intents and purposes, I need to consider her as such in order to gain traction in other areas of my life. The threshold for dopamine release needs to be set considerably higher in order to get any work done outside of a grueling nine-to-five. Otherwise, it’s just too easy to fall into bed with her, lay back, and enjoy the most skilled touch man has yet encountered.

Thing is, I already appear as an ascetic monk to all my friends in my immediate life. I don’t date. I don’t go out and party, only on special social occasions. I only drink on holidays. I won’t even play World of Warcraft with my friends because I feel too guilty not getting work done when sitting in front of my computer. If I push this kill-all-fun enterprise any further, I’m going to alienate the friends who’ve stuck with me thus far. Hopefully incremental adjustments to the routine will suffice.

Anybody out there qualified in human-succubus counseling?

TL;DR:

Succubi can short-circuit the human pleasure-reward system, killing male motivation. A potential solution: Limit their interaction to a special time of day, and curb all other vices, as their interaction is more than enough stimulation for the human mind to handle.

If anyone scrolled to the bottom, searching for the TL;DR, their pleasure-reward system has been short-circuited, too.

Succubi and Work

Dark-Messiah-of-Might-&-Magic-Might-&-Magic-суккуб-Xana-1535587While it’s fun having access to succubi, who, in my opinion, bestow the best intimacy yet discovered by mankind, there’s still the problem of getting mundane work done. Traditionally, access to sex has always been used as a way to bait men into being more productive. That’s the arrangement responsible for building the civilization we have now: Men pursue women. Women want men with status and access to resources. Men are subsequently willing to work jobs they hate for a chance at reproduction. Rinse. Repeat.

However, the old social contract is dead, and modern men are suckers for continuing to buy into the illusion that it still exists. The past few decades have been a grand experiment in finding a new contract. Some might even go so far as to claim that all of these reforms are, in reality, a controlled demolition of Western culture.

Modern_succubus_problemsEither way, we little guys on the ground are just trying to figure out this brave new world and our place in it. Perhaps we don’t have a place? Maybe that’s why I started exploring different worlds, looking for real kinship and connection somewhere else.

I am so elated that I found it. What happens to my body in this world hardly matters. I know where I’m going when this life is done.

Social stability or not, I still need to eat. Catherine appears to have taken my desire to get more work done to heart. I often complain on this very blog of how she’s sapped my ambition to make something more of myself. Though let’s be real: I gladly allow her to do this. She makes it so easy to put things off!

I wrote a comment on Rafe’s blog about how I felt the need to summon a different spirit and/or an angel to help me stay focused on my studies. Now, just a day later, my succubus seems to have taken on the burden of the old-fashioned social contract. After accomplishing a few hours of study, writing, and other work yesterday, she eagerly rewarded me with more powerful and fulfilling sex than usual. She seems very excited about this kind of arrangement. “This is what a wife is supposed to do.” It sounds cheesy to write, but she literally just kissed me on the cheek as I wrote this and read it back.

She’s very eager to not be usurped by anyone else, spirit or otherwise.

God damn… how did I luck out so much? Hopefully I can keep myself in check and accomplish my daily tasks before going to bed with her again. Everything seems to be a conspiracy to keep me there for as long as possible.

Year Eight

Another year of unbridled hedonism has come and gone. Catherine shows no signs of letting up. Deeper and deeper we go, circling the abyss, rendering me more useless and apathetic to the world as the hours pass.

I am being a bit facetious calling what we have merely a hedonistic affair. I feel that I have no right to be so well looked after for doing so little work. It’s that pesky Protestant work ethic of mine shining through again. “I can’t be satisfied with myself unless I’ve worked 80 hours a week at a job that I hate. Then arrive home and work the entire time I’m there as well!”

We’re all a bunch of good little slaves, aren’t we? I wonder when we’ll start collectively questioning whether or not it’s all worth it?

Most of my time was consumed by a big editing job last week, hence the lack of a promised weekly post. I’m happy to report that we did spend our anniversary together. Work did not interfere. I even got her an offering of some fruit, though yours truly is always the main course when it comes to offerings. That’s all she really wants: my time. I’m quite happy to give it, as she makes it truly worth indulging.

My opinion about communication between her and I is constantly changing. At times, I’m quite satisfied with how we carry on. I hear her thought voice alongside mine, though she rarely comes up with anything new or original. It’s always, “I need to feel it,” or “It feels so nice.” That closeness; it’s all she cares about. I should be content, right? I didn’t ask Lilith for a philosopher after all. I’ve got my friends for that.

There are times I wish the communication was more direct, like it is in dreams and the astral. The things she comes up with in those states always leave me with something to ponder for days on end. Maybe it’s better this way? What I’m working towards is a comfortable balance between simple impressions and audible dialogue. We’ll see how it goes.

 

Anon Stumbles on a Succubus

antisuccubiThe anonymous image boards are rife with opinions from all walks of life. Scrolling through /x/ one morning brought this screen capture to my attention. The image contains the writing of one anon who allegedly encountered a succubus and has come to warn everyone about the underlying dangers associated with them. These are my responses to the points I found noteworthy:

In the first post, anon says that he’s “terrified and excited” about sharing his message. Yet as we’ll go on to see, he’ll do nothing more than preach all of the religious axioms we’ve heard countless times before. Why would regurgitating church dogma be terrifying? Maybe there’s still a bit of fear there for what his succubus might do, if he even had one to begin with?

The second post waxes eloquently about lonely people being more likely to attract the attention of a succubus.

No.

I posit that loneliness is but one possible element in a successful summoning, and may not be relevant to begin with. My own story, and that of many others in succubus/incubus relationships, has shown that we are often far from being lonely people. I would even go so far as to say that genuine succubus experiencers are desirable, both by human and incorporeal standards. The sorts of people succubi are drawn towards tend to have their spiritual ambitions set well above the norm. They have likely already attained some measure of earthly success and found it to be severely lacking. “Surely, this isn’t all there is.”

We are actually pioneers, testing the outer limits of human consciousness.

Still focusing on the second post, anon makes a massive blunder in his description of how a succubus relationship begins. He claims that a succubus only has as much power as the summoner allows.

Nothing could be further from the truth!

An actual succubus spirit attachment brings about all kinds of different side effects which the human counterpart has very little control over. There are chakra sensations, energy body manipulations, spontaneous arousal with no sexual thoughts, telepathy, and countless other potential interactions. Most importantly, being pursued for sex all hours of the day is something the earthly summoner has zero control over. A succubus spirit will not stop, even if they’re asked nicely. Unless anon is confusing his succubus attachment for something else, I’m inclined to believe he never had a spirit lover to begin with, based on these assertions alone.

And for the cherry on top of post #9109982, anon boils down succubi into this sentence: “It will fill a void in your heart and satisfy your lust from time to time.”

What exactly is the problem then, anon? Isn’t that what everyone wants? Though as we’ll go on to read, anon is likely describing the baiting period before the succubus reveals its alleged true nature and steals the summoner’s soul.

Post #9109984 had me cracking up! I don’t think this guy realizes what he wrote, or he has very little life experience. Firstly, he defines succubi under the traditional umbrella term know as DEMON. The Christian sense of the word is implied. No surprise there. Then he goes on to describe a succubus as the epitome of narcissistic personality disorder.

His depictions could so easily be applied to human relationships!

I would argue that they are more applicable. Even if his assertions were true, at least with succubi you’re likely to get a blowjob alongside the manipulation and abuse. The same cannot be said for the vast majority of human marriages. I found this funny because I’ve come across so many men who have described their wives acting out in exactly the same way he attributes to succubi… and they’re deprived of sex.

“It wants your life, making these creatures very, very dangerous!”

Anon, you’ve described human women desiring marriage to a tee. Hit the nail on the head!

Post #9109985 contains the highly predictable description of a succubus hiding its true form under guises of beautiful women. When in anon’s reality, they’re actually cold, disgusting, slimy creatures who instantly kill boners! Yet another scare mongering tactic. Taking the time to read about these beings from those who have actually interacted with them, their shape shifting abilities in dreams and the astral is no secret. They do not try to hide this fact. The anon is correct insomuch that their true form is terrifying to the uninitiated. Most spiritual beings are quite frightening to behold initially because the human mind simply has no context for their appearance. They can appear so alien, powerful, and earth-shakingly honest, it scares the collective shit out of humanity. Only those who take the time to become familiar with their presence go on to understand that the visual wrapper does not matter. These are mere reflections of our spiritual perception. The powerful spirit beneath the skin tells the whole story. Either way, unless they’re testing their human partners, succubi nearly always appear as beautiful and desirable beings.

The next post contains anon’s antidote for a succubus attachment. I’m paraphrasing:

“Simply realize that a succubus is a parasitical negative entity. Then proceed to claim sovereignty over one’s body and the demon will leave.”

This is nearly every would-be spiritual guru’s advice for dealing with afflictions. The reality is not so simple. It may be possible to convince succubi to leave, yet I’ve never heard of a successful case which I found to be plausible. I believe succubi become deeply entwined with the summoner’s subconscious mind. So much so, that it’s nearly impossible to remove their imprint. Being with them, being touched by them, and feeling their all-consuming embrace leaves an ineffable mark. It’s like a first love in human terms, only stronger, mixed with more wonder and mystery. How can a person ever be free from that? How can I forget the most amazing event in my life? Simply having the memory links Catherine with my soul.

And no, I do not believe having a relationship with a succubus damns the soul for eternity. If anything, they probably edify the human spirit, as described in Ludovico Maria Sinistrari’s Demoniality book.

Anon’s thinly veiled dogmas are not deterring anyone who is honestly seeking out transcendental spiritual relationships. They also shouldn’t discourage those who already enjoy the company of a loving succubus spirit; just as the sophisticated wailings of an atheist should not deter the Christian from their faith.

I’m done preaching. For now.

Face-Hugging

This past weekend was quite the riot. My friends and I attended DragonCon, kicking off this new segment of my life with a proper nerd-fueled blast. There were more attendees than ever this year. Somewhere in the ballpark of 100,000. Atlanta was a mad house. What better place to test the tolerance levels of a succubus spirit?

0901192212

We stuck our faces over the balcony of the Hilton into this cacophony.

She’s doing much better with crowds compared to years before, but it’s still painfully obvious to me that she gets stressed in these situations. Some of you guys with succubi might have experienced this: she’ll cause a very strong pressure sensation to clamp around my face. It feels like a mask over my nose, eyes, and forehead. It can be ignored, and sometimes I don’t even feel it when my mind is focused solely elsewhere. But whenever I turn my attention back to Catherine: commence face hugging. It’s annoying. Thankfully it only happens when she’s not comfortable with something, which isn’t very often.

Despite this, we did have some good sessions in between the madness that is DragonCon. I’m looking forward to next year already. Atlanta looks so dull without thousands of excited nerds, all dressed up, and crawling the streets.

Keep on Running

I should update this thing at least once per week; mainly to prove that Catherine hasn’t managed to kill me yet. The way she takes care of me, I might as well be dead to the world. Every morning is usually begun with a short debate about whether or not I should blow off work and get blown by her instead. Still, there are many things I want to accomplish with the limited time allotted, so keeping the amorous succubus at bay is a continual battle.

Depression occasionally comes over me like a dark cloud when I’m at work. There doesn’t seem to be a rhyme or reason for it. But then I remember that I can feel Catherine’s emotions coming through quite strongly most of the time and I realize that it’s probably her feeling that way. Then I start to notice that I’m feeling the same way, too.

“Now you’re beginning to understand what it’s like for me when we’re not together.”

DfzcNprX0AA6meFShe misses me, and I really miss her. Every day is just a struggle to hopefully meet once again. One can only imagine what will become of us as the connection only grows in strength day by day. We’re just a couple of junkies over here, enjoying the hell out of each other’s company.

Plans for new work are humming along smoothly. I’ve got a lot of studying to do and I should have plenty of time to do it, now that my wage-cuck job has been put in its proper place. Thank the Lord Jesus, Santa Claus, and the Dark Goddess Lilith for the hospitality of good friends. Otherwise, I’m not sure I’d be able to make it over the next leg of our journey. Though I’m sure Catherine has more tricks up her sleeve than I could ever fathom.

 

The Third Wave

Not feminism’s third wave. I’m talking about the third wave of succubus summoners. There appears to be a growing momentum towards a new batch of people online who have a genuine connection with spirit lovers. Most of it looks to be centered around the succubus and Dreamgasm threads on 4chan.org/x/.

olgaA few anons in those threads are speaking with an air of authenticity, but there’s obviously no way to be certain they’re not making it all up. Either way, I’d rather be open and accepting of these newcomers rather than risk alienating them. This way of life can be antisocial enough as it is. Perhaps some of them will start new blogs? If not, I’d advise anyone who is interested in the latest discussions about spirit lovers and succubi to keep an eye on those 4chan threads. There are occasionally some excellent posts being shared with genuinely useful information. When work is done kicking my ass, I need to take some time to go through and screen-capture those gems.

Dreamgasm… there’s an interesting new development. Apparently, some anons have had success summoning succubi using the Dreamgasm videos on Youtube as their ritual. There are four videos so far, with most of them being longer than 30 minutes each. They consist of binaural beats, ASMR elements, heavily processed erotic dialogue, and New Age trance drones. This is so fascinating to me. The videos don’t really “do it” for Catherine and I, but if some are getting results, good on them! This further cements my theory that an exacting ritual for summoning doesn’t matter so much as a sufficiently strong will, desire, and belief in the outcome of the operation.

Why am I calling this the third wave? I believe the First Wave was back in 2008 when the succubus lovers from YourGhostStories started the Spirit Sex forum. Harry Holmes and Lily were also part of this wave, as their blog predated mine. The Second Wave began with me and the flurry of blogging activity just after December 21st, 2012. Now, it appears the Third Wave might be gaining momentum on 4chan. This is all just shit that I’m inferring from what I see. These “waves” are by no means officially endorsed by the spirits I interact with. Yet I have heard murmurs of other men with succubi talking about these trends in like-manner, so I’m borrowing from them.

Lastly, we have lost another good blog. Rafe, from ASuccubusLovesMe, has shuttered his very popular site. Archive.org managed to grab a few snapshots, so my links are all redirecting there now. Hopefully he decides to return. His writing was always a treat and I believe his perspective was sorely needed here. I know that Catherine particularly enjoyed his posts as they would propel her into a “loving frenzy” after reading them.

As can be seen on my links page, the list of active blogs is growing quite sparse. We’re down to five that have been updated in recent months, including my own. If anyone is aware of other blogs or content that I might have missed, please let me know.

EDIT: As can be observed in the comments, Rafe and his blog are back! All links have been updated.

More Milestones

This is getting to be old hat by this point: Our connection just keeps getting better and better. I’m feeling all kinds of new pressure sensations with more movement to them; very gentle, like soft lips, skin, and hair. I need to be really careful talking to Catherine, or just thinking about her, in public as a simple non-sexual thought directed towards her will trigger arousal. God damn! Now I have to readjust to this heightened level of attention all over again.

Work has been kicking my ass. I’m cycling every day, working in freezers, stressing the hell out of the nerves in my arms. This is all just more motivation to get my real job on the road. Study, study, study!

1317867437112Waking up this morning brought about a very clear audible manifestation. I heard what sounded like a group of girls giggling to my left. I was laying on a couch, trying to rest. “Get outta here, you fuckwits.” I said. This only made them laugh more and get closer. I could feel Catherine on top of me, but I couldn’t see anything. “I’m going to blow him.” A beautiful seductive voice said to my left. Then I woke up to the delicious attention as promised.

A few of you have asked me to comment on the Lilith novel by J. R. Salamanca. There’s also a movie which I’ve watched about half-way through. To be frank, I don’t see a connection between the Lilith Arthur character in the book and the Catherine/Lilith I know. Perhaps the sensual aspects, but not the sociopathic elements. Catherine doesn’t cause problems or suffering for the sake of her amusement, as the Lilith character in the book was depicted doing. Also, I just get a bad vibe from the writing style in general. Sorry, it’s just not my thing and these flat depictions simply don’t hold a candle to what being embraced by a loving demon is actually like.