My Apologetic

For all intents and purposes, I am still a Christian. Despite how much I might rail against being considered as such, that is how I was raised and it is the culture that I’ve inherited. Simply throwing all of that away would be an callous affront to everything my grandparents worked for.

The strange dogmas of the Judaic faith are the hardest elements to rectify in my worldview. Many of its tenants are at odds with the natural world.

For instance: “Turn the other cheek.” or, “Do not resist the evil that comes upon you.” And the communist manifesto simplified, “The first shall be last and the last shall be first.” All of these teachings from Jesus are nonsense on this earthly plane, yet many churches teach them as though they’re supposed to be followed to the letter.

“If another man tries to come in and take your wife, or mess with your children, you should just let ’em do as they please! Hell, invite them over for dinner! That’s what Jesus would do!”

What sort of deluded reality are these people living under?

Serious problems like these have led me to the esoteric interpretation of scripture and the abandonment of a literalist position. Even so-called “Bible Believing Christians” don’t follow the scriptures literally, despite their eloquent claims to the contrary. Just consider how many of the American Evangelicals arm themselves to the teeth in preparation for some great civil unrest. Where’s their faith in God, who promised to fight all of their battles for them? “He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword,” Am I right?

Maybe I’m simply missing the nuance, where all of this is supposed to make sense. Or maybe I was just raised to be a sucker, to take it all so seriously. I thought that in order to be a Christian, one had to be at least somewhat fanatical. Apparently not.

18904_fantasy_jesus_vs_satan_arm_wrestling

These two are brothers. The “Devil” is helping Jesus to fulfill his ministry on Earth.

It is my belief that the spiritual realms of Darkness are not at odds with the forces of Heaven. I’ve rejected the notion that Jesus and Satan are in a kind of cosmic arm-wrestling match. Since my experiences with Catherine began seven years ago, I am more convicted of that belief than ever. She is not fighting against the Most High. If anything, she’s working for Him.

If the Old Testament book of Job is any indication, God and Satan work together to screw over humanity equally; with Jehovah being the most spiteful of the two. Simply look at who has the highest biblical body-count.

Catherine calls herself a Christian, ironically enough. (Though she’s not being ironic.) She’s more of a Gnostic, while holding certain tenants of the orthodox faith in high esteem. My demon/angel lover certainly does not want me to be bitter about where I came from. My religious upbringing indirectly led to meeting her, after all.

sophia

The Gnostic Sophia, the Queen of Heaven. Catherine has eluded to her more than a few times in my dreams. In addition to the darker aspects of Lilith, she also identifies with this supreme divine figure.

I know these beings are not above telling us what we want to hear. I’ve considered the possibility that she might be telling me all of this in order to reduce my stress and make me more pliable in her hands. Oh yes, she has designs over me; all of them conspiring to get me into bed with her as often as possible. I can’t really complain about that.

No matter which side of the spiritual fence one happens to be on, I believe it all comes from God, both good and bad. The Lord and Satan are two sides of the same coin.

“I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.” – Isaiah 45:7

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Building on My Own

demongirlShe’s the Dark Goddess, the great lady, who will not play second-fiddle to anyone. I’ve made many attempts to express some trivial deference towards others, but to no avail.

“Don’t let them rule you,” She whispers, “I’m the only one who can do that.”

Is she teasing? Those words of hers, dripping into my mind like raw honey. It’s so easy to become addicted.

My attempts at working with others, to build a business, as it were, have been plagued with frustrations. It seems that I’m just not cut out for collaboration. I’m skilled at what I do, but having to work with too many people gets in the way.

I found myself working with religious people again… big mistake.

They had given up their careers to create a documentary… another big red flag.

I soon began taking on more and more responsibilities, without renegotiating the terms. “They’re a poor ministry, after all. I should be happy to work for free!”

Whoa boy! I’m not letting myself get suckered into that trap again!

Thankfully, that was all it took for me to drop the contract entirely, refund their money, and walk away. I just couldn’t shake the sick feeling that I was basically taking money from this hen-pecked guy to help build his wife’s vanity project. It just wasn’t right, no matter which way I looked at it, and I hope the husband gets a wake-up call soon.

Catherine was not impressed by the project one bit. “Pointless,” and, “Religious guilt,” were some of the words I could feel her repeating in my mind.

“Nobody asked them to give up their lives for a stupid video. You needn’t do the same.”

That’s right, darling. I gave up my life for you… but at least that has been worth it.

That’s probably one thing I can’t overstate enough when it comes to being bonded to a succubus spirit: If you are successful in attracting their attention, your life WILL change, for better or worse. Some might consider these changes to be life-ending alterations. But people like me, those who indulge in great swathes of solitude and reflection, these relationships are almost too good to be true. So good, that it can destroy the rest of one’s life. All future prospects and ambitions dim into a dull grey.

Working with others becomes a royal pain in the ass, my case in point! One finds that they are simply unable to make social concessions as they once did. No more bullshit. Why deal with it when heaven is waiting at home?

The Youtube channel… maybe I’ll do something with that in the mean-time.

I need to devote more time to my own projects and not just go for the easy money, jumping on another person’s bullshit bandwagon.

Murdering that “Slave for Christ!” mentality is doing a number on me. If any of my readers are former hard-core believers, you know what I mean.