My Apologetic

For all intents and purposes, I am still a Christian. Despite how much I might rail against being considered as such, that is how I was raised and it is the culture that I’ve inherited. Simply throwing all of that away would be an callous affront to everything my grandparents worked for.

The strange dogmas of the Judaic faith are the hardest elements to rectify in my worldview. Many of its tenants are at odds with the natural world.

For instance: “Turn the other cheek.” or, “Do not resist the evil that comes upon you.” And the communist manifesto simplified, “The first shall be last and the last shall be first.” All of these teachings from Jesus are nonsense on this earthly plane, yet many churches teach them as though they’re supposed to be followed to the letter.

“If another man tries to come in and take your wife, or mess with your children, you should just let ’em do as they please! Hell, invite them over for dinner! That’s what Jesus would do!”

What sort of deluded reality are these people living under?

Serious problems like these have led me to the esoteric interpretation of scripture and the abandonment of a literalist position. Even so-called “Bible Believing Christians” don’t follow the scriptures literally, despite their eloquent claims to the contrary. Just consider how many of the American Evangelicals arm themselves to the teeth in preparation for some great civil unrest. Where’s their faith in God, who promised to fight all of their battles for them? “He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword,” Am I right?

Maybe I’m simply missing the nuance, where all of this is supposed to make sense. Or maybe I was just raised to be a sucker, to take it all so seriously. I thought that in order to be a Christian, one had to be at least somewhat fanatical. Apparently not.

18904_fantasy_jesus_vs_satan_arm_wrestling

These two are brothers. The “Devil” is helping Jesus to fulfill his ministry on Earth.

It is my belief that the spiritual realms of Darkness are not at odds with the forces of Heaven. I’ve rejected the notion that Jesus and Satan are in a kind of cosmic arm-wrestling match. Since my experiences with Catherine began seven years ago, I am more convicted of that belief than ever. She is not fighting against the Most High. If anything, she’s working for Him.

If the Old Testament book of Job is any indication, God and Satan work together to screw over humanity equally; with Jehovah being the most spiteful of the two. Simply look at who has the highest biblical body-count.

Catherine calls herself a Christian, ironically enough. (Though she’s not being ironic.) She’s more of a Gnostic, while holding certain tenants of the orthodox faith in high esteem. My demon/angel lover certainly does not want me to be bitter about where I came from. My religious upbringing indirectly led to meeting her, after all.

sophia

The Gnostic Sophia, the Queen of Heaven. Catherine has eluded to her more than a few times in my dreams. In addition to the darker aspects of Lilith, she also identifies with this supreme divine figure.

I know these beings are not above telling us what we want to hear. I’ve considered the possibility that she might be telling me all of this in order to reduce my stress and make me more pliable in her hands. Oh yes, she has designs over me; all of them conspiring to get me into bed with her as often as possible. I can’t really complain about that.

No matter which side of the spiritual fence one happens to be on, I believe it all comes from God, both good and bad. The Lord and Satan are two sides of the same coin.

“I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.” – Isaiah 45:7

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Bound by My Own Law

“You have bound yourself to your own law… I’m sorry it’s not convenient. Maybe you should have thought about that before performing a goddamn ritual, because this stuff is real.”

I really wish I had this advice four years ago as it is so pertinent and fundamental, especially concerning succubi. This realm of demons is not to be taken lightly, and any weakness, or hesitation, will not be looked upon kindly by these entities.

We summon them for a reason. They’re ready to fulfill their end of the deal, but are we? Are we strong enough to be cleansed in that Lake of Fire?

I don’t know if I’ve made this clear through my postings, but summoning a succubus is not simply about getting off. There’s a reason these entities are so intrinsic to Sexual Alchemy, for that is what will happen to the would-be operator. An alchemical transformation WILL take place, or the human vessel is ultimately destroyed in its resistance.

I know some people think I’m an E. A. Koetting fan-boy, but I believe his work is so important for this generation of occultists. Simply comparing my experiences with his, and those he promotes, like Asenath Mason, there are just too many damn synchronicities for it all to be coincidence. We’re all dealing with the same infernal forces.

The video I shared above is a good example of yet another synchronicity. Eric describes his first public ritual to Belial, where he offers up his now ex-wife as a vessel to be possessed. The way he describes the sound of his ex-wife’s voice as she was being controlled by Belial, a guttural gurgling sound, as if the demon can’t quite get a handle on how the vocal cords work, is precisely what I’ve experienced with Catherine possessing and speaking through me.

I’ve not seen this video until just now. This shit happens way too often. I’ll be reading one of Asenath Mason’s books and like clockwork, I’ll say “Yep. That’s how it works.” Or, “I’ve seen/done that.”

Actually traveling along the infernal current is both amazing and terrifying. I feel so alone and isolated sometimes, but in the same instance, I can’t stop exploring. If I try to stop, it kills me. I have been so resistant to actually practice magick of any kind, mainly because I know that I have incredible potential as a true practitioner. I’ve been scared of myself.

There’s no choice now but to keep moving forward. I need to keep on learning from Catherine, as she’s an incredible ally to have on this journey, and I absolutely must develop my skills.

I’ve started with performing regular rituals, essentially making myself known to the Qlipothic spirits. It’s a start, but strange things have already started to happen.

If nothing else, I can see that my learning and reading is being precisely directed. These spirits are very generous and empathetic in their own way, though they can appear terrifying and cruel from the outset. I believe that frightening aspect has more to do with how our mortal minds are simply incapable of fully perceiving what they truly are.

I’m going to learn. I’ve got to. Why do I feel like I’ve been conscripted into Azazel’s magickal army? Maybe it’s not such a bad place to be, within the ranks of the damned?

“Don’t be lukewarm. Be hot or cold.”

When the Lights Go Out

The power is off, but she is still here. Wind and wet snow drive at my windows. The miniature crystals still melt from my hair. My hands feel a slight burning from the sudden shift of cold to warm.

sensual-photo-of-naked-woman-in-front-of-fireplace-oleksiy-maksymenkoThe fire burns merrily in the dark. She sits beside me and her presence gently encompasses my being. I feel that all too familiar gentle pressure against my temples. I know she is smiling.

“More time for us?” She presses me, eager anticipation in her words. I wouldn’t accept this sort of attention from anyone else. The human touch is too empty, too smothering, too much a shadow of that skillful contact from demon-kind.

Unlike her namesake would suggest, she waits for me patiently, gently holding on until I acknowledge her.

“Soon, darling. Soon.” I promise, but my words only cause her to swoon more deeply than before.

“I need you.” The most beautiful, enrapturing words a man can hear escapes her innermost thoughts. I find myself flooded with desire. I burn for her and I feel it deep in my chest.

The wind howls against the house. The eaves shudder while a fresh blanket of snow covers my shoveling from before. I feel her hold on me tighten as the din from the world outside carries on. She might fall asleep this way, as she often does; though not before nuzzling against me and leaving her goodnight kiss.

For seven years she has not slackened or waned. Her touch only grows deeper. In the darkness, and the silence, her concern over me is impossibly greater still. What lies beyond? What happens when our two worlds finally converge?

I do know this: The very foundations of the earth will be shaken as the truth of things is revealed. My world has already been rocked aplenty.