My Apologetic

For all intents and purposes, I am still a Christian. Despite how much I might rail against being considered as such, that is how I was raised and it is the culture that I’ve inherited. Simply throwing all of that away would be an callous affront to everything my grandparents worked for.

The strange dogmas of the Judaic faith are the hardest elements to rectify in my worldview. Many of its tenants are at odds with the natural world.

For instance: “Turn the other cheek.” or, “Do not resist the evil that comes upon you.” And the communist manifesto simplified, “The first shall be last and the last shall be first.” All of these teachings from Jesus are nonsense on this earthly plane, yet many churches teach them as though they’re supposed to be followed to the letter.

“If another man tries to come in and take your wife, or mess with your children, you should just let ’em do as they please! Hell, invite them over for dinner! That’s what Jesus would do!”

What sort of deluded reality are these people living under?

Serious problems like these have led me to the esoteric interpretation of scripture and the abandonment of a literalist position. Even so-called “Bible Believing Christians” don’t follow the scriptures literally, despite their eloquent claims to the contrary. Just consider how many of the American Evangelicals arm themselves to the teeth in preparation for some great civil unrest. Where’s their faith in God, who promised to fight all of their battles for them? “He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword,” Am I right?

Maybe I’m simply missing the nuance, where all of this is supposed to make sense. Or maybe I was just raised to be a sucker, to take it all so seriously. I thought that in order to be a Christian, one had to be at least somewhat fanatical. Apparently not.


These two are brothers. The “Devil” is helping Jesus to fulfill his ministry on Earth.

It is my belief that the spiritual realms of Darkness are not at odds with the forces of Heaven. I’ve rejected the notion that Jesus and Satan are in a kind of cosmic arm-wrestling match. Since my experiences with Catherine began seven years ago, I am more convicted of that belief than ever. She is not fighting against the Most High. If anything, she’s working for Him.

If the Old Testament book of Job is any indication, God and Satan work together to screw over humanity equally; with Jehovah being the most spiteful of the two. Simply look at who has the highest biblical body-count.

Catherine calls herself a Christian, ironically enough. (Though she’s not being ironic.) She’s more of a Gnostic, while holding certain tenants of the orthodox faith in high esteem. My demon/angel lover certainly does not want me to be bitter about where I came from. My religious upbringing indirectly led to meeting her, after all.


The Gnostic Sophia, the Queen of Heaven. Catherine has eluded to her more than a few times in my dreams. In addition to the darker aspects of Lilith, she also identifies with this supreme divine figure.

I know these beings are not above telling us what we want to hear. I’ve considered the possibility that she might be telling me all of this in order to reduce my stress and make me more pliable in her hands. Oh yes, she has designs over me; all of them conspiring to get me into bed with her as often as possible. I can’t really complain about that.

No matter which side of the spiritual fence one happens to be on, I believe it all comes from God, both good and bad. The Lord and Satan are two sides of the same coin.

“I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.” – Isaiah 45:7


12 thoughts on “My Apologetic

  1. Well, to be fair we both have similar religious backgrounds that could have been taken different ways when mixed with what we both study now…

    But they didn’t. We haven’t.

    Everytime I read more about what you experience and what you’ve experienced along this path (and before it), there’s a big part of me that says, “That’s ME!”

    We have the same curriculum, guided by the same teachers/lovers… it’s all the same.

    So don’t feel like you’re different when it comes to going from literal to figurative in how you perceive the Bible now, or how you even perceive demons and angels as both doing what God wants, because you’re right: It’s 2 sides of the same coin.

    The irony is that we’ve both come to the same ideas through similar teachers/lovers, where you’ve had one, I’ve had many one after another, but the results still seem to be the same.

    Isn’t that interesting?

    I mean really, really look at what is before you… isn’t that amazing?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you! I had a dream last night with that same symbol and I remember in the dream thinking now that is something I should remember as it is important, but how do you look up an image that you saw in your head for a split second…she says go here: BAM! I also heard her voice say “it is the only way in” when the image was shown…

    I maintain a generic Christian faith, interestingly this has opened my eyes to the “church” and how hypocritical many of its followers are. Just folks looking to be entertained no different than anyone else, only can tell them apart on the weekend. BTW, I was raised SDA too, but never got the veggie thing…Gen: 9:3 all the way.

    Liked by 2 people

      • Yes, the picture of Sophia and for part of our relationship she was saying the name Sophia and I was calling her that, but then was corrected…in a rather hilarious way in a dream where she slowly sounded out her name like she was annoyed with me…well I thought it was funny anyways. She talkes alot when I am awake, but I only get little bits and “Sophia” always stood out. It is so easy to get frustrated, but I tell myself it takes time.

        Liked by 1 person

        • That’s actually happened to me before, funny enough. I kept calling one of my ladies the wrong name because it was directed at the wrong one. So she spoke to me in my dream and she was not happy at all. I’d be annoyed too if people kept calling me something I wasn’t.


        • And hey, don’t be, it gets better, the beginning somehow is always rough. Can’t reckon why, maybe…maybe it’s a sort of breaking down point. Where you must learn…slowly.


    • Maybe saying that “sex is the only way back to the Eden” and Sophia is the Truth
      Alchemy & Philosophy
      I was Gnostic, during my highschool, but my catholic family, arriving home at 1 to 3 am, and my college, didn’t let me to continue, from there I got into serious depression… I never really got attracted to having a normal life, when getting admited in college I felt like a failure
      yeah I realized all that about religion when I got in highschool, most of believers, at least catholic, never had even read the bible…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. At this point I don’t care about wasting my time hating something I don’t fully know about. All I want is my peace with my ladies. Not a hard request to fulfill. Yeah from what I’ve seen, there’s your Christians that don’t care too much about their religion and then there are the extremists. Can I blame them, certaintly not fully. After all, it’s not like they had a choice growing up in all that brain washing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • For me, it’s not so simple, and I’m possibly making it more complicated than it needs to be. Certain members of my family are very strong in their religious beliefs. Some of them are extreme enough to cause rifts and fractured relationships with everyone who doesn’t perfectly align with their beliefs.

      I’m trying my best to hold the family together, despite these differences. So I can’t just leave and let it all go to hell, because that’s precisely what’ll happen if I do abandon ship. There are plenty of outside forces already trying to create division without me adding to the chaos.

      This is why I can’t fully abandon Christianity. Not only is it part of who I am, but it’s also a familial tradition. I’m all for challenging the status quo when things get stale, but I believe there are many things in life that should remain sacred.


  4. No point hating christians there god is one of many so no point hating them they pick their path we pick ours we are no different then them we just need to learn to live with one another rather then hating each other due to the political system imposed by the church and priests


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s