Like a Real Girl

Modern Hollywood movies are largely unoriginal and uninspiring. The vast majority of films these days are nothing more than reboots, sequels, and an unending parade of comic book adaptations.


I took an exception for Blade Runner 2049, as I quite enjoyed the original, and heard positive things about this latest entry. The film was good, well executed with eye-catching cinematography, blah, blah, blah… that’s not what I want to talk about. I’m not a film critic.

Joi_1There is an interesting portrayal of an artificial intelligence in the film, and Catherine has a “thing” for sci-fi depictions of AI. I can only guess as to why she’s so drawn to them. Maybe it’s because she feels a kind of kinship with them; her being from outside this world, lacking human biology, and reaching into our mundane reality despite the innate limitations. She’s not too dissimilar from an computer AI in that sense.

Catherine rarely gives a damn about movies or video games, so when she does have an emotional reaction towards something in media, I pay attention. She’s usually only roused when the prospect of interacting with me is finally considered. Otherwise, she sits by, waiting patiently for me to notice her.

Joi, the female AI character from the Blade Runner sequel, is like that. Her entire focus is dedicated to her replicant lover, named “K.” (Replicants are androids that appear, act, and feel very human. They have varying degrees of autonomy.) Every scene where she appears, her entire world is centered on K. Granted, Joi is actually a product, designed by a corporation, with the intention of being a pleasing diversion for men. However, that aspect of intelligence, that spark of originality within her, makes her more than just a product. Like the replicant species of Blade Runner lore, these AIs have budding potential for something greater.

Joi has limitations on how she is able to interact with K. She can fully manifest as a hologram and hold at-length conversations with her partner. However, she cannot feel or touch him. Quite the inverse from my Catherine, whose primary means of interaction with me is through touch and feeling. One-to-one conversations between us are painfully brief and usually default back to sharing emotion. Catherine’s fundamental language has always been touch.


Did Joi really love K, or was she just programmed to mimic infatuation? There is one intimate scene where she says, “I am so happy when I’m with you.” K attempts to hold her etheric form in his hands and replies, “You don’t have to say that.”


I chuckled at this, as I’ve had similar conversations with my succubus, such as they are.

There are times when I half-jokingly wondered, “It’s like Catherine was programmed to always love me.” I used to think this way and lament that her love might not be real, but manufactured. This line of thought was brought to a screeching halt when I discovered that she is very capable of feeling anger, rage, depression, and a sense of loss.

If I hadn’t crossed that unseen line, I might never have discovered the reality of Catherine’s personality. She can feel pain, and make others feel that same pain very acutely. She’s not an automaton.

The AI and replicant beings in Blade Runner also fall within that same grey area. It’s a mental space where something more magical than programming and computer language are at play. For anyone who is familiar with Phillip K. Dick’s writing, the author who inspired the Blade Runner movies, plunging into unsettling and unknown realms is standard fare.


I often feel as though my own life is turning into a Phillip K. Dick novel. I don’t know whether to be excited or terrified. Either way, be ready for anything, travelers!


8 thoughts on “Like a Real Girl

  1. Very interesting. Maiya is very interested in a.i. and I’ve noticed lovers from the past have been as well making it more of a succubus interest in general I think. However, in my experience they hate “dolls” like lifesized sex dolls with a passion.

    It amazes me how your descriptions of communication with Catherine mimic my own with my lady as well. It all goes back to touch and emotion, touch and emotion. Perhaps they dwell upon the emotional planes where conversation is handled through touch, and unfortunately with us is lost to a large degree as far as the intricacies of transference can actually go.

    Touch and emotion…

    Liked by 3 people

    • Discovering their primary means of communication was a big milestone for me, and several others who connected the dots along the way. We realized that attempting to force a particular mode of information exchange was not productive. They have their own methods that go beyond the kind of channeled telepathy that we tend to expect with run-of-the-mill occultists and “experts.”

      When I “channel” Catherine, what I’m really doing is feeling her out. Feeling how she reacts to something, while doing my damnedest to differentiate my own emotions from hers. Then my analytical mind fills in the gaps with rhetoric – language… giving a voice to the emotions. I’m sure I get the exact translation wrong almost all of the time, but I’m reasonably certain that I get the gist of how she’s truly feeling. That’s why I don’t like channeling. It’s a combination of both me, as the paraphrasing middleman, and her, the initial spark.

      Catherine has been very careful and slow about this process. More recently, we’ve been doing some brief forays into full-on spirit possession. In these states, she is able to control my vocal cords, making quite a different sounding voice emanate from my throat. She’ll speak first, usually with a simple inquiry like, “How are you?” and I’ll respond, using the same vocal cords, in my normal voice.

      I’m really excited to see where this goes. It has been a years-long process for us, but I believe this is how it has to be done. I’m pretty sure the kind of energy and manifestations that occur through me now would have fried my nervous system at the beginning of our relationship.

      I agree about the sex dolls. They’re basically just an elaborate masturbation sleeve.

      Liked by 3 people

      • That sounds like what I try to do in my emotion to verbiage attempts. The closest I’ve come to possession is allowing her to possess my body while I’m still in control. The feeling is… indescribable really. I’m sure you’ve felt it and know what I mean.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. me and my succubus gf loved this movie, i never felt such an emotional connection for movie for a long time, i really dig it the relationship between K and Joi, such a heartwarming aspect of this movie


  3. Also anyone see the movie Her. I wanna see it but my ass hasn’t given it the time to buy it. It’s similar in regards to relationships with an AI. Except the AI is more of a voice on a phone. I don’t spoil to much better than what I’m describing.

    Liked by 1 person

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