This week has been one of those weeks where Catherine and I just aren’t clicking together so well. It’s like we’re just out of phase and I don’t get much pleasure from sex. I can still feel her very powerfully, but it’s not the kind of feeling I prefer. These periods usually last between one and two weeks.
Reminding myself that our usual bliss is only just around the corner is fundamental to navigating these low points. If I let my mind run wild, I start to think about time being wasted or that the relationship isn’t working. It all boils down to my ridiculous over-the-top mental gymnastics that are devoid of any big-picture concepts, and only appear when I’m frustrated.
She’s as loving and gracious as ever. So understanding and patient, but dear God, does she still crave that closeness! I got woken up with a blowjob this morning, but again, we’re not quite in sync right now, so I accidentally brushed her off. Totally not thinking, me behaving like an animal, but she endures my negligence with the grace of a saint.
I sat down for breakfast and I felt her quietly press into me and offer her usual morning kisses. I barely took any notice, this is so normal for me now. I shudder to imagine what would become of me if she were to disappear for a few days. I’d be like a lost puppy.
I take so many things about our relationship for granted, and then I go into a tizzy about things not feeling “quite right.” Many men go their entire lives without feeling that touch of genuine concern, and here I am complaining about something so temporary.
So, here I am, trying to galvanize myself with this writing. These are first-world, no… supernatural-breakaway-civilization-world problems. All of my needs are so totally and utterly provided for, it makes me feel guilty sometimes. All I really have left to do is be more gracious and generous towards others, and especially towards Catherine.